Here’s the factor no one tells you about parenting: It’s challenging AF.
Here’s the 2nd aspect no one tells you about parenting: Your kiddo will come out of the womb with a Ph.D. in urgent your buttons. Oh sure, they don’t do it properly. They’re too busy hypnotizing you with their infant smell. (We’re onto you, babies!)
And the 1/3 factor no one tells you about parenting? Sometimes, regardless of all of our first-rate efforts to be the cool, calm, assured caregiver we recognize we can be, we straight up lose our sh*t.
Yeah, we stated it. Sometimes the stress is too much. Sometimes the strain receives too high. Sometimes you simply can’t cope with the incessant whining, the regular requests, and the utter lack of brush aside your infant has for your private space. And as an alternative of taking a deep breath, or giving yourself a warm 2d to decompress, you simply lose your sh*t. It takes place – and yes, it occurs to *all* of us.
Ugh, these moments are the woooooooooooorst. Not solely have you totally misplaced your ever-loving mind, however additionally you’ve taken it out on your kiddo, and now the guilt and disgrace you experience for snapping and yelling and having your very own tantrum are carving out a pit in your belly and maintaining you up. All. Night. Long.
Sweet warrior parent, we feel you because we are you.
Being toddler experts doesn’t exempt us from losing our cool too. We reach the end of our rope and feel ragey and sometimes shout at our kids. Know why? Because we are human. And you are too.
Losing your sh*t happens, friend. And when it does, it is easy to feel like all is lost. But we’re here to tell you it isn’t. You can repair your relationship with your toddler, and it is quicker and easier than you might think. We can’t promise you’re never gonna lose your cool again, but we can promise this apology script will help you take the right steps toward reconnecting with your little one.
Start With Sorry
“I want to say I’m sorry for yelling at you today.”
Saying “sorry” to your toddler does more than just repair the relationship; it also shows your toddler what it looks like to take ownership of one’s behavior. It’s human nature to think of allllll the reasons why your behavior is actually someone else’s fault (ouch), but a genuine apology starts with owning our choices. When you lead with “I’m sorry” you teach your child a powerful relationship-repairing skill that will serve them for years to come.
STEP 2: Tell the Story
“I was feeling frustrated, and I yelled at you.”
Telling the story simply means connecting your feelings to your actions. Remember, we’re teaching our children all feelings are okay, and this truth extends to you too! When you tell the story, there’s no need to go into great detail, even if the road to your blow-up involved a variety of plot twists. Keep it simple!
STEP 3: Acknowledge the Feelings
“You probably felt sad when I yelled at you.”
So much of parenting is about connecting the dots for your toddler’s rapidly developing brain and giving them language for feelings they can’t yet name. Once you’ve acknowledged and okayed your own feelings, it’s time to articulate the impact of your actions on your toddler’s feelings.
STEP 4:Reinforce Your Love
“I love you so much.”
Toddlers need security. (Honestly, same.) And in the absence of security, they feel anxious and unsure, which can lead to a host of undesirable behavior. So it makes sense to make space in your apology to reassure them of your unconditional love. It may seem almost too simple, and you may wonder if your toddler even hears it. They do. So don’t skip this part!
Teach the Coping Skill
“The next time I feel frustrated, I’m going to take
three deep breaths to handle my big feelings.”
Wrap up your apology by talking about how you’ll handle things differently the next time you have these feelings. What you’re teaching and modeling in this moment is just as valuable as the apology itself. Not only does your kiddo feel loved, but also they’ve just watched their favorite human in the whole wide world model how to:
1.Make a mistake
2.Process big feelings
3.Offer a sincere apology
5.Embrace opportunities for growth
All together this apology script takes less than a minute to implement,
but its impact lasts much, much longer.